quite contrary.

For how long?
For ever.
How long is that?
Ever long.

So why do you sing hallelujah
If it means nothin to ya

: marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness

Hormones surround my brain moving inward closer until the compression is sober but my mind the exploder making dents in my ego crumpling me up into zero making me sick with depression no a raging aggression.

while i burst into flames.

I was on a waking binge. Waking binge i.e. the absence of sleep. binge. until i got on the bus and the poor man next to me kept getting knocked into by my head. i was conscious of this but too frozen and drunk in slumber to care. the constant embarrassment. sigh. shame shame on me.

because i don't understand it today.
"Indoor living in cardboard confines, counts for very little when safe is just a state of mind.'
And so it is, the colder water.

LUIS from diluvio on Vimeo.

In love with.

The christmas and the new years is coming. Oh what will we do what will we do. I'm gonna rent christmas cartoons and movies and toy story and marathon my way through christmas eve and christmas day with room in the middle for two masses. And new years will consist of all different specials. So hopefully i can get myself off work. hopeful is the pessimist this holiday season.

Happy friday the 13th.

I regret neglect.

I have this. Make shift plan. A make shift plan i'd like for myself to set in stone.
It's like this cardboard mock up of a life i've carried around in my pocket for years.
A life inclusive of a dorm room with a bad paint job that comes with furniture reminiscent to that of a girls' home.
A shared bathroom that makes showers seem like a challenge where i have to put myself into the mental state of a boy to get through alive.
A squeaky bed a creaky wardrobe a big desk and a floor littered with pencils paint and canvas.
A window for just the right amount of light.
And a glorious city to fuel my soul.

These things float out into space. Further and further away from me.
I'm working on the reconstruction of my previously mangled rocket ship.
So unsure of it's required parts.
The year is ending...
What have we made of ourselves.

"So sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick."

Effortless, i crumple up, i shrink into a tiny ball like cellophane held to a flame.

i lose my fucking faith.
ridiculous.

An early greeting from the twenty year old cant wait for christmas child in Seletar.

I have a bowl of soup in front of me. Only seconds ago realising that the green stuff in my bowl is bittergourd, i now sit staring at the olive green and contemplate my food. It is an olive green sea shell and like the rest of the ocean i will breathe it in. Inhale my food if you will. Well probably not.



Today, i told a lie.
I feel bad about it.
The guilt is laced with a slight eloquence.
The bitter taste of my soup is dumbing it down i think.
Yeah i'm not eating this crap.

You'll walk like a thief.


I'm a satellite heart.
Lost in the dark.
I'm spun out so far.
You stop.
I start.
But i'll be true.
To you.

Stopped by gobi today cause i went to work and apparently was "not on the roster for today".
tried to draw a chair.
i don't feel valid today.
















"There's a Possibility,
All that I had was all I'm gonn' get.

There's a Possibility,
There's a Possibility,
All I'm gonna get is gonna be yours then
All I'm gonna get is gonna be yours then.

So tell me when you hear my heart stop

Walk like a thief."

woot.



Not sure what to feel about how i might die alone in another country with no way of getting home.
I saw "This is it" this weekend and all i really have to say right now is kudos, Michael.
Gonna stop watching this video because its making me nauseous.
Not really sure what i'm gonna do now.
ummmmmmmmmmm.