quite contrary.

Really annoyed. Blogger uploads my work in desaturated colours. Looking at it somewhat abases me. Time seems to be going on quicker than i'd like. It's bewildering. I think about what really holds me here. In my skin. Or what it has come to be. Over time loosening the ropes and letting my arms fall from around me. I guess i'm not the only thing holding me here anymore. I guess my arms aren't enough for me anymore. I should probably get used to them again though. Got to settle myself in somewhere before i let myself fall apart, wishing absent arms to hold the pieces together.




http://allisonlow.blogspot.com

Chocolate chip cookies and baby sitting file transfers. Pleh.

The past few days have been somewhat grueling. Changes changes changes to the inadequacy that is my right hand and my left brain. The little tupperware full of nutella does not seem to be painting my teeth chocolate coloured in a good way. Makes me sleepy. The sugar. The sweetness. Really sleepy. The coffee. Useless cup of bullshit. Wakes you up my butt. I want to say that i love to do this, i want to do this, i live to do this. I know i do. Like moth to flame i'll always come around again no matter how painfully burning the light might be. But like moth to flame I feel so foolish and disillusioned.

Instant gratification is overrated. I waste myself on instant gratification. Torture myself just a little. Sleep later you're eyes are still open enough, eat later your stomach has not melted to holes, breathe later your hallucinations are only temporary. Get things done that don't disappear the next day.





There are certain things i consider plagues. People, maybe. More like, actually. The talk of a half sound half up mind. I feel.. tired. Comfortable. Tired in a.. If i put my pillow over my face and closed my eyes, i could pretend whatever i want and be wherever i please.

Goodnight.

I wake up it's a bad dream no one's on my side i was fighting but i just get too tired to be fighting guess i'm not the fighting kind

A millstone around my neck.

Wishing you could keep me closer i'm a lazy dancer when you move i move with you. So tired.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and believe it or not, it is the reason behind most of our physical pain. The mind likes to repress emotions it does not want us to experience. Repression of such emotions can eventually cause us physical pain. The brain controls how much oxygen each cell receives along with many other things. For some reason, repressed emotions of anger, anxiety, etc. Causes certain muscles to be deprived of oxygen in small amounts. This does not damage the muscle, but can cause severe pain.

Dr. Sarno.




My compass is broken. My inner.. brain compass
The captain of my brain. If you will.
Captain of my brain is broken.
In so many ways.

And here lies chivalry
Who so silently left us thoughtless
And made the "small things" smaller,
Creating reason for excuses.

I think you sprayed my shirt with your cologne this morning. Cause I've been getting wiffs of you every time i turn my head to the left. four days to the new year. resolution? resolve. pretty sure i need resolve but really. who am i kidding.




http://allisonlow.blogspot.com for lotta photos.

Substance dependency's got my strings taught to a snap by a tiny touch.



Plath seems more complicated to Hughes.
A brain that complicates to a brain that makes simpler.
Haven't read through enough though.
To live by a brain that complicates every simplified angle ought to land you with your head in an oven.
Substance dependency's got my brain in a knot.
Sometimes the coffee just don't cut it.
I'd jump for some silky's right now.
Soigh.
Also, since new years was way too "okay whatever" and "this place is too crowded" for me.
I've made a decision that new years day is the first of february.
Good day.

I need the doorway in my head that you're standing in to be shut with doors and locked up with iron.

I want to write.
I want to write my way through eyes like thread lead by a needle that stitches hearts back together.
I want to write my way through eyes like thread lead by a needle that picks hearts apart.
I want to fucking write.

I got sick of the avalanches every time i opened the door.
I'm halfway to the tip top of a tidy closet.





This is my new favourite thing. Next to coloured cereal, of course.

Give up, go to sleep.

T'was a good day.
Twelve days later and...
Well not much.

Today's application day.
Fingers crossed.

Happy birthday Diddle.
I know i'm late but you'll know why later.
I also apologise in advance for the state of which what i have been doing is in, which caused the late greeting.

<3

I'm pondering the lives of the seemingly mundane. Growing up listening to punk rock in a fast food joint. Chugging canned coffees on sundays in a church canteen. Conversation while leaning on a fridge in a mobil station. Play grounds on afternoons after school. Black t shirts and eye liner at fifteen. Finch and Rufio and Taking back sunday. Braces and bangs and sleepovers on a pull out couch. So very charmed.

I actually think 2009 painted a pretty decent picture for me to look at. I don't feel like 2010 is happening. Rather that 2009 is just dragging on behind me like a pull along toy. I don't feel much like i want to wait around for my letter from uni.

I watched you for a split second during the movie and thought that a smile spreading across your face is such a sweet happening. I've also decided that my paint brush and i should re-establish ourselves as buddies.